The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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