there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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