operation harelip BJ is a go
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
