you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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