its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
