I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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