Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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