I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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