yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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