Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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