do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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