My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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