My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
