Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
