fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
