whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
