so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
