We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
