Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
