the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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