i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
