Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
