In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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