Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
