I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
