tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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