I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
