eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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