the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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