You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
