so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
