This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i think i just lost a toe
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