if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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