I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We need a shit load of segways right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
