There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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