i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
