we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
