You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
