I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ugly people sure do ruin things
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
