are you still at the devil's house?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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