real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
