Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
