i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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