Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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