plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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