The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
