I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
