He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize