Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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