i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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