Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
