Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
