Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
