Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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