I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i believe in u and ur pee
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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