it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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