What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
