Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
