Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
