Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
