i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
