...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
