I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
