This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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