I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
