wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
