I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.