I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.