Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.