i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.