she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
