I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night