White coat. Heels.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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