I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot