I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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