I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
