i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize