Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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