your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
