Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
