I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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